Surely, You're Not One of Those?

Blow me away with a feather. I was talking to a friend about a book she was reading about introverts. She said that she was talking to someone about being an introvert and her friend argued with her as if she had the plague.

“You’re not one of those.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“But, I am.”

I told her I’ve done the same thing to my family. In fact it just dawned on me that most all of our family members are introverts and I’ve tried to make them extraverts.

Believe it or not, there are only four of us in the whole family that are extraverts. We run the show, we make the plans, and we bring the fun. They need us. I wondered why the rest of the family didn’t shape up and be like us. Then I conceded that it was good that they didn’t have to be the shakers and movers in the family. The dynamics wouldn’t work for us as extraverts. We want to lead and plan and have the other family members follow.

I told my youngest daughter what I discovered that I realized she was an introvert. She said, Mother, after all these years you are just now figuring it out?

I remembered when she went to kindergartner she took her show-and-tale toy to school and hid under the table. She wouldn’t show it. When the teacher told me what my daughter did, I couldn’t believe it.

Maybe that’s why our son invited us to the Philippines but said he would let us have his home and he’d move into a hotel while we were there. I always thought he didn’t want any one in his space, was a loner, and not a team player. Now I’m wondering for the first time if I’m seeing him for who he really is. He’s a leader and has 3400 employees. How can he lead if he’s not an extravert? Apparently, very well.

We have several strong leaders in our family. Of course they are extraverts, they’re leaders. But, now that I’m thinking, they all behave like introverts. They don’t speak unless they have something to say. They ponder on things, they need quiet spaces and they are quite intelligent. They don’t blab just to be blabbing. That’s a novelty.

All this time, I’ve been putting them out in the limelight with my stories and my rah, rah, rahs, and they want to hide. They don’t want the attention I bring to them.

Of course everyone wants attention. They deserved the spotlight, they work hard for it. I’m going to have to rethink all of this.

They all want to hang me out to dry. I’m just doing my ‘calling’ writing about them in the newspaper. They have all moaned and groaned and I continue to do what I think I’m supposed to do. I thought I was building them up and encouraging them. I’m their cheerleader. They don’t want a cheerleader. How can that be?

This introvert thing has made me think back to all the years My Sweet Al and I had those Christian Artist and Writers’ Retreats. Al would work himself crazy, getting everything ready for the guests. Then on the day they were to arrive, Al would disappear. I’d tell him, I need you here incase something happens like circuits blow or bathrooms overflow.

Our daughter would call and invite her dad to go to Durango on the day of the retreat. I’d look around and question everyone if they had seen Al. The guests said, “Oh your daughter and son-in-law came by and took him away.”

I couldn’t believe it. Didn’t they know I needed him and I couldn’t keep 30 or 40 guests happy and have it running smoothly without him? But, they were sparing their dad. It took me years to understand that people drained the life out of Al while they were energizing me.

I thought my family didn’t understand and weren’t supportive of my great efforts of making an exciting adventure for my guests. After all, this was my ‘calling’ to give artists and writers a platform for their creativity. I could have probably made it a lot easier on myself and my family if I would have seen the dynamics a little clearer.

For twenty-one years, would I have done the weekend and week retreats if I knew this? Probably. I would have just arranged it a little differently.

Another friend, after reading my last article on introverts/extraverts said she was an introvert. I argued with her. Of course she was an extravert, she lead worship, taught, spoke and lead retreats. Talk about a revelation.

Final Brushstroke! Thank God my family loves me and has been forgiving all of these years. No wonder they roll their eyes and act totally appalled. They aren’t acting. They are exasperated with me at times. Am I going to quit writing about them? No. I’m just going to be a little kinder. After all, I’m an extrovert.