Will They Ever Grow Up?

I heard a mother ask, “Will they ever grow up?” She was asking a rhetorical question. She knew better than to expect an answer. She’s probably asked herself that question a thousand times. Her son is in his forties. We also have a son in his forties who still refuses to grow up.

The question should be, “Do they want to grow up?” I don’t think so. My daughter said, “Maybe they love Neverland.” Haven’t you seen Peter Pan.”

We were with our grandson and a bunch of his friends over the weekend. They were doing dumb-kid things in a grownup world. I had the feeling they wanted to stay kids.  They like how they are. They didn’t see anything wrong with it.  Our grandson greeted us with a bandana on his head looking like Rambo. He was sporting another tattoo under his big arm sleeveless shirt. He was wearing shorts in forty degree weather.

I saw a restless generation of children this weekend. The consequence of their actions doesn’t even come into their equation. They crash for the night in a friend’s apartment or someone else’s. They have unpaid traffic tickets, which are mounting up in penalties, or they are lending their $30,000 truck to another friend. They pay their friend’s phone bill and have no money for gas or rent. If one has money, they all have money. Thanks to Mom and Dad.

There was one girl in the bunch and I wondered if her mother knew she was sleeping over with her boyfriend and a bunch of guys. I wanted to sit her down and talk to her. Would that have done any good? No.

From a grown up standpoint, those dumb-kid things could land them in jail, in a lawsuit, kicked out of their apartment, or getting someone pregnant.  Worse yet, they might have to live with some horrible consequence for the rest of their lives because they insist they didn’t want to grow up. My grandson said, “I have to become an adult when I’m 21 Grandma! I got a lot of living to do before that happens. And, then I’ll have to be responsible.”

He is also entertaining the idea of a mail order bride to clean his apartment. He is around grown men and their big ideas at work, but still hanging with young men at home. That’s what you get ­— a 19 year old boy/man, with a mixed up mind.

Where do the parents fit in? They fork out money and more money trying to keep their kids off the streets and out of jail. They can’t give up on their kids. The parents are shaking their heads wondering if their children will ever grow up.

Parents remind themselves that they did dumb things, too, when they were their age. That doesn’t ease the pain, but it does give them a little hope.

My daughter always says, “I look around me and see thousands of functioning men with a jobs, mortgages, and beautiful families. Somehow they made it. That gives me some hope.”

On the long ride home, our family tried to make sense of all of this. We surmised that college is a good place to hide your kids away for four years so they can grow up. You know they have a cot and 3 squares. Are they grown up and prepared to take care of themselves after spending thousands of dollars for a college education? In most cases — NO.

We have a recent college graduate in the family who has a little job but can’t provide for herself. Her boyfriend graduated from college at the same time and doesn’t have a job. Looking for a job for him is overwhelming. Our granddaughter is sympathetic. Our daughter and her husband is horrified and his family is exasperated.

We have one grandson who has scholarship money who doesn’t know if he wants to go to college or not. His mother has jumped through hoops to defer the scholarship for one year so her son can try his wings. He is off in China on vacation.

We are all scratching our heads asking why this child would forfeit an opportunity like this to go to college. The answer is, he doesn’t think he needs college. He wants to do his own thing and skateboard for Jesus.

You know, I’m all for Jesus, but can he provide for himself? No.

My Sweet Al is looking at it from his day. He worked two jobs and bought his own car. When his tires were bald, he had to buy his own. But that was also when gas was eleven cents a gallon. I told him he couldn’t judge today by how it used to be in his day.

He reminded me that our kids worked and one of them paid her way through college. We provided old vehicles for them, but they paid for everything else. That was their day. It’s a different day, today.

I think I have the answer. We always stop to watch the Old Spice commercials. We laugh knowing it is truer than we realize. The mother is crying. She blames Old Spice for her son growing up. Old Spice is the reason he is so attractive to a young girl who wants him. It’s Old Spice’s fault the mother has lost her son. The father is trying to get him out of the house and the mother is clinging to him.

I remember smelling Old Spice on my Sweet Al back in the sixties. It made him a man to me. I thought he was all grown up and I had snatched a good one. It was surely Old Spice that did it for me.

Al’s brother, David, called and wondered where we had been all weekend. I told him we were with our grandsons. We went to a college game with one of them and visited the other one in another city. I was building my story about how these kids are today. I said, the girl has moved in her curling iron and eyelash curlers, I think she’ll be living there. I think she should pay her third and help out the two boys on the rent. But, then I said, she is the girlfriend and probably doesn’t think she should have to pay.

David’s response was, “Tell your grandson to tell her she can stay if she sleeps in his bed.” This is an eighty-year-old man who hasn’t grown up either. It would almost be comical if it weren’t so painful. God help us all.

Final Brushstroke! For Christmas I’m giving Old Spice to Al’s brother, my grandsons and son. Also to the young man who is dating our granddaughter who doesn’t want to grow up.  Surely Old Spice will make them want to grow up, that’s what it says on television. Maybe that the answer to all this foolishness.