Quiet! - Stop talking for a minute!

I was having lunch with a friend, who is an introvert. I wanted to talk to her about making my protagonist as an introvert. I asked her, if I did write the main character as an introvert, could I make her exciting enough? I thought it was a good question until I saw her look.

She looked at me as if to say, I don’t believe what you’re asking me. Instead she said,  “We’re not dead.”

I absolutely love this friend, she’s a deep thinker, she reads a lot, she listens to me about all my ideas and she is solid in who she is. There is no drama with her, she is so refreshing, and she doesn’t have to prove herself. She doesn’t need the limelight. She has such a deep inner richness I want to be around her as much as possible. I’m wondering why she puts up with me.

She had introduced me to a book titled, Quiet. I bought three copies to give to my family, who are introverts. As an extraverted mother, I always was trying to fix my family. I thought something was really wrong with them. Oh Lord, I had to apologize to all of them.

The endorsement on this book was riveting. Barry Schwartz wrote: “To all extraverts – Memo to all you glad-handing, back-slapping, brainstorming masters of the universe out there: Stop networking and talking for a minute and read this book.”

Wow! Is this Me? Who Me? I don’t think I want to be me. My children tell me all the time it’s always been about me. I quit apologizing for myself and decided it was a waste of time and good words. I decided to like me. Now I’m finding I’ve got to take another look.

At lunch, my friend said to me, “People are always trying to team me up or introduce me to someone. They think I can’t do that for myself.”

Really. Do I do that? Within fifteen minutes after we sat down, another friend came up to the table. She likes to hike and my other friend likes to hike, too. I said to them, “You two need to get together because you are both looking for someone to hike with, aren’t you?”

I realized what I had done. I answered my own question. I was trying to fix my friends up as if they couldn’t do it for themselves. We had a big laugh, at my expense.

I told my friend, after reading this book, it made me want to be a introvert. It talks about the leaders who are so influential, the world-changers, they are not extraverts, but deep thinkers, who give thought to what they say before they make decisions. She had a whole list of them.

I had prided myself in quick decisions. I make them easy and I thought it was a good attribute. I hate it when it takes days for someone to move on a good idea. Now, I’m wondering about all of this.

I said to her it’s like changing gender, you can do it, but you are still who you are. The DNA is different in a female than a male. If you are an extravert, you will probably raise your hand with the answer or always be ready to talk. The introvert will have something to say, but won’t say it until they think about it. They will have much more honesty in their answer. Then they talk. To me, it takes too long, people forget it and have moved on.

In another passage from this book, the author talks about a woman, shoulders ach and swollen feet, quiet and shy, and she said one word, “NO.” When she died in 2005 at the age of ninety-two, the flood of obituaries recalled her as soft-spoken and sweet and small in stature. They said she was timid and shy but had the courage of a lion.

She would never had stood up and said she had a dream, but five thousand gathered to support Park’s lonely act of courage. It took the partnership of Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. to be heard. “Mrs. Parks refused to give up her seat who preferred to stay quiet. She didn’t have the stuff to thrill a crowd if she’d tried to stand up and announce that she had a dream. But with King’s help, she didn’t have to.”

Final Brush Stroke! We are who we are. It takes both introverts and extroverts. I’ve had to do some serious apologizing. I’m learning the value of both. My protagonist in my next book will be an introvert. I’m going to make her really exciting. Ha!