Mud, Dogs and My Sweet Al

What’s on your mind these days? For me, it’s mud, dogs and my Sweet Al.

Do you ever remember February with so much mud? I’m loving the weather, but the mud is wearing me out.

Al said I should write nice things about him. A wife should never talk bad about her husband or his dog.”

 Are you kidding me? It’s been 55 years since I said my vows, I don’t remember dogs and mud being a part of the deal.

Al and our daughter went to town and left the dogs with me. I was trying to get some writing done.  I don’t have time to mess with them, so I put them outside and forgot about them.

When Al and our daughter came home, they drove through a foot of mud to get to the house. My daughter was fit to be tied. She said, “What is Daisy doing outside? It’s too cold for her.”

I said, “Don’t give me that attitude, it’s 40 degrees and they have hair. They are outside dogs. They have three inches of mud on their feet. I’m tired of cleaning up mud.”

“It’s inhumane.” She started to cry.

Al came in the door with three dogs clamoring to get into the house with him. He said, “The mud is so deep, I could hardly get through the driveway. I almost ruin my clothes.”

I said, “All those muddy dogs, jumping up on our glass door trying to get in, would make anyone ruin their clothes. My friend says, one or two shocks, their dog doesn’t jump up anymore. Why can’t we have well-behaved dogs like our friends?”

Al said, “I put the shock collar on Whiskey and I had the other end on my neck trying it out. I ended up shocking myself.  I put the loop around my neck and was wearing it. Whiskey is so smart, she knows something’s going on. But I don’t want to do it, I’m afraid I might shock myself again. And, I don’t want to hurt my dog. I love my dog.”

It’s your brother’s fault you have this dog in the first place.

This week, we were with David, Al’s brother and I was telling him about my hearing aids. In the conversation, dogs and mud became the focus.

He said, “Your hearing aids have to be programmed for background noise. When you are in the bar, it’s so noisy. I took my hearing aids back. I couldn’t hear because of all the bar noise.”

David, I’m not going to a bar. But since you do, how do you hear the young girls?

“It’s easy. I just get real close and tell them to whisper in my ear.” Then he had a good laugh.

I wasn’t laughing when I said, “Well David, I’m not going to whisper in your ear, but read my lips, so you can hear. Don’t ever talk Al into another dog. Al’s in the doghouse now. I don’t care if your trainer’s dog got your dog pregnant and you think Whiskey’s the smartest dog in the world.  Al’s wearing the shock collar around his neck thinking he’s threating Whiskey and I’m cleaning up mud.”

Then Al jumped into the conversation, “Dogs like Whiskey are high powered and it’s hard to train them.”

Al, I’ve been trying to train you for 55 years, and I know what you’re saying. Then I said to his brother, “If you ever convince Al to have another hunting dog, I’m going to wrap that shock collar around both of your necks. You get my drift?

Final Brushstroke! With all this mud around here, there could be some serious mudslinging and you could be reading it on the front page,  “Two old men found with a shock collar twisted around their neck, and the wife can’t be found. It’s been reported that she has gone on vacation until after mud season is over.”